I can’t count the number of families who come to me with “we want to do things differently”.
Often, it relates to conflict in the previous/current generation that they want to avoid in current/future generations.
This is why the ‘mapping/discovery’ process is so important as part of onboarding a family.
It’s a bit like the way a doctor takes a medical history.
They might talk about conflict that only happened in their generation, but if you start to delve further back, there are often repeating patterns.
It doesn’t surprise me.
George Santayana famously said: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
There are two elements to family conflict: fact and narrative.
The facts around a conflict can rarely be truly discovered. The truth is somewhere in between “our story” and “their story”. This isn’t a forensic judicial examination anyway.
What is more important is narrative: how the conflict influenced the stories the family tells about itself. That in turn drives it engages with the world around it, and its wealth culture.
Family conflict is rarely about the commercials. It has its roots in basic family issues like fairness, favouritism, jealousy, and rivalry.
Seeking a commercial solution to an emotional problem isn’t going to work.
At best, it might patch things up temporarily, but it won’t address the root causes.
The same principle applies when considering repeating patterns.
If the pattern is viewed superficially – say in commercial terms – it won’t be understood.
The family may choose to change how things are done commercially, but that won’t address what’s really going on beneath the surface.
To break intergenerational patterns, families need to:
Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that created them.”
The first step to breaking intergenerational cycles is self-awareness.
A deep perspective on the past, plus a space for real communication about that can lead to a brighter future for the whole family.
PS Families of faith might find my Genesis of Legacy program of interest.
Conversation Starters:
What are the stories you tell of historical family conflict?
How have these stories influenced how things are done in your family?
The original article was published in Breaking Intergenerational Patterns - David Werdiger
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A successful family advisor, business strategist, entrepreneur, and thought leader with a proven track record of achievement in driving innovation and growth for entrepreneurial endeavours and not-for-profit organisations.
David's experience includes founding and building multiple businesses from the ground up, and expanding and leading operations into new markets. He is recognised by colleagues as a creative problem-solver and strategist with expertise in coming up with ideas and creating new ways of improving business, strategy, operations, and results.
As a business and family advisor, he provides clients with expert business advice on intergenerational business and wealth transition, advancing entrepreneurial efforts, setting up good governance, improving financial and operational results, and strategic direction. He is also a seasoned program leader with an aptitude for providing governance in corporate and philanthropic pursuits with a strong focus on culturally focused non-profits.